Sometimes i ask myself…who am I? What am I doing here?
Sometimes it feels so messed up in my head.

I had some wonderful days but at the same time I got really annoyed when I was around people. I don’t know but for years it feels like there are so little people I really connect with. I mean, I’ve got plenty of friends but sometimes it feels like there’s just no other person like me. (likely that’s normal) I sometimes feel aberrated in this world.

I’m not that person who likes to shovel with new and valuable things. I like to be on my own, in my own little world. I got really frustrated when I’m around people who talk to much about themselfs. For that reason I sometimes feel inferior . It almost never feels like I’ve done something good… I always want to be better and become more beautiful and more happy and better with things that I like to do. It’s really not a good thing. I got upset with meself A LOT. I have this habit to infect myselft with negative feelings. I feels so endless.

I’ve tried to change all my feelings but it doesn’t work that way I guess. This feeling is crawling in me.
I’m happy for the people who are joyful for what they have, but I’m not…

I’m happy, I’ll go to New York next week. It will be good for me to relax and see something different. I have this feeling I want to see so much in my life it could impossibly happen. I don’t know but this world (how evolved it is) is still so normal and ordinary. If I could create a new world it would look a lot different I think. Just think about it, why is it that we live in monotonous houses, why do we go to work and live the lives that are so boring. Why do we have to think endless about every little thing we do? I just got so bored with life sometimes. But with everything said, I have to say, I’m pretty boring myself and I’m sick of thinking like that. I would love to love myself…….

Melissa

ps. new balloon:

pss. a preview for my movie: